I feel gilt not for something I have done or did. But for things that I have not said, there are so many that have changed the actions in which I do. In stead I still with hold the things that I should just let out. I have felt a little off and I know the one closes to me can tell that I feel this way. It is sad when you spend 2 days analyzing your self to try and finger out how you mind works, out of no were comes a flash of light over you head and you think you know.
Yes this is very vague as what is really going on in this little head of mine but for that there is a reason. The woes that hang over my head right now are more then I care to deal with. Most of you know some of the woes which I speak of, things have been getting progreisvly worse. Not to say I feel like trying to change the world just the things in which I feel I have screwed up in. one big one is I keep thinking about is the dame house in which I should have never even gotten in to. Two is they way I feel now I do not mean about the ones I love and yes I am still haply married just unhappy about life not mine as much as for were it has gone. I feel I have hit the dead end in which there is no escaping. I need something to happen that will change my point of view a little. I am not talking about finding god or something of that nature just a job or a life. At this point and time I feel trapped in the loop of life. Not really making things better or moving forward with life just looped in the same thing over and over.
By no means should any one read to deep in to this (peaj). I just feel broke at the moment and not worth a whole lot. I am still trying to get over the fact that I have worked my entire life and now I am home. Now not to say being home is not work because by fare I think I have done more work at home then any job I have ever had. But to tell you the truth I think I am missing the interaction of others. Simply put I need some one to talk to. I feel more or less cut off from life at the moment and I am not sure why.
Now I think I have put in many apps for jobs that would be worth my time. Most of the time I never hear any thing back. But the few times I have, it has been hours that I could not hold and still take care of the kid. I am at a loss for things that I can do at home and still make money. Over all I can not think of many things to do for a side job, or entertainment at this point. I could be a bagger at farmer Jews and work with the rest of the tarts during the day. Now it may be entertaining but not the kind of entertainment I am looking for. I have look at trying and put some things up on eBay, but with shipping and all it just because to hard to do this with out getting frustrated with the hole thing.
The only thing I do besides cleaning up and trying to find food for dinner any more is acquired music in witch now I have a pretty big library so if any one would like something just drop me a line and I could make ya a copy. (For a small fee) life over all has because dull I guess I am trying to say we need a change. Perhaps a change in scenery would do I am just unsure of what would help these woes.
Side not what the hell is up with the palm book that peaj left on the half wall. (Is she trying to help me find my maker?) LOL I am not sure but I think it came from the hospital. Now the question is why it is sitting on the half wall and why do you have it????????
Some kind of answer will come of this stay tuned for the conclusion.
Mean while back at the ranch!
7 comments:
If you would like help with any employment doc's (cover letter, resume, etc.), I am here for you. That is what I teacher all day, every day. I am fairly well versed in the subject.
Ok that little book on the half wall.. Yesterday at shift change 330 pm the volunteers and religious people where handed these bibles out for free to every one getting on and off the elevator. No see the chapel is on my floor nad I work with the elderly lots of them "believe" in one way or another and I get to great the pastor and fathers every day. And those who know me best know I can not say no. I would have felt really bad. So Therefor there is a little bible sitting on my half wall.
You know I love you bro. you can call me anytime if you ever want to talk -- 24-7-365, even if its just to vent.
You know, most of life is like being trapped. You do things you have to so that you can survive.
You work a shitty job, so that you can afford rent. You hate it, but you have to do it.
The thought of doing anything else is exhausting.
Sometimes we need to hit the bottom to make a change. Garvin's going through something like that right now, employment wise. I went through that health wise.
I think sometimes we have unfufilled needs that go unrecognized, and it's hard to be happy and content when we're preoccupied with those needs. It's very Herman Maslow.
So what do you NEED that you don't have?
Do you need a break from routine?
Do you need to have fewer expenses so that you can worry less about finances?
Do you need a hobby?
Do you need a pie?
Sometimes pie is just enough.
I think all of the above and then some LOL thanks to all but you know me I only post the bad times in my day/week/month. if I posted the good stuff it just would be ass good to read....
I love the pie.
well if stepho made me some pie I might be happy with it HEHE
Post a Comment